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ive met people so great that i wish i never met them
because they want to be close to me and ill never let them
because i know im incapable of
anything that most great people will love
anything i do is never enough
I'm setting out to prove that I've got nothing to prove, and I'll prove it.
Don't assume it's got something to do with you.
And just for something to do, I've set out with nothing to do, and I'll do it.
Maybe I want nothing to do with you.
sometimes somethings end sooner than you want them too
but that doesnt mean it was too soon or not soon enough
sure enough
ive had enough of never enough
I never miss an opportunity to fuck an opportunity up.
I've had enough of never enough
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it's not the gun, it's not the death
it's the power, the breath on my kneck and the knees on my chest
the chains on my wrists and the sick twisted captivity
because we're all fucking violent, we all fucking die, but your imunity is systematized
and i'd rather figuratively kill the badge, but that pesky asshole that's behind it is in the way
but maybe one day more cop-filled graves will fade the power of the badge away
wish i could say one day this all won't mean anything
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oh you sick sick sick sickeningly teary-eyed sweet little rat
oh you tricky trick trick trickster, you, sullied and can't take it back
aint it maddeningly true that whatever pulls you through the light lacking rooms in your mind
is a disciplined claw gripping, ripping you apart, that you've grown on your own over time
now, there are just some things that you like, whether you like it or not
oh you suitable, sweet saccharine and sugary unsuspecting cat
oh you Miss Missy Ms. mischevious thing, with a heart that's intact
i don't know what's more adorable, new horrible indulgence or the prior experience you lack
lights dimmed, eyes closed, attached to the collaborative act of guiding knives to your back
now, there are just some things that you like, whether you like it or not
behind closed eyes
behind closed doors
behind closed mouths and closed blinds, things are hiding inside
subtle resignations, lost parts of your mind
screaming "oh god no" and "oh god yes"
at the same time, at the same time
now, there are just some things that you like, whether you like it or not
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such a wonderous sense of magnificence, the illuminated sky
blanketing such wretchedness, like a perfect lover in denial
that alas, the lasting grasp of passion can but clasp a cloud
and ever tries to hold so tight what cannot be held down
sits the effervescent, ever present essence of life's grin
upon the nascent dawn of fondness gone and what has been
a story told, so wonderful, still gets tiresome and old
a splendid tome, deep carved in stone held long enough erodes
& at last, our past attachments smash like glass on crashing cars
as my golden piss is hissing underneath the shining stars
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It's hard to know I'll never hear those words again
When I was down you'd always help me up my friend
Oh how I miss you now
I only wish I'd missed you more then
It always scared me, how close we got
Always knew it'd be my fault that we fell apart
Put the blame on me I accept it now
I only wish I'd accepted it when I was your friend
Now every memory's a bad time, your fucking letters make me cry
I feel lost and alone without you
Thought you would always be by my side
Now these words roll off my tongue
Much easier than I'd like to admit
I'm sure you remember bad times
I wish we could make more good
Lately I've had trouble sleeping
The thought of you keeps me awake
I throw every good thing away
What's wrong with me for fucks sake
I need to wake up and put my life back together
Need to put this drink down you'll always deserve better...
Now when I look into your eyes all I see are bluer skies
Now when I look into my eyes all I see is my wasted life
Now every night I can't tell if I am lonely
Or am I pushing my friends away?
I get your life has been better without me
But without my best friend my life's been empty
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I wake up every day with no smile on my face
I can't find a reason to get out of bed
Because I outside I'll face addictions and depression
And everything around me will be dying
And I don't want to see that place
Well I've been living the same day for at least three years
The only thing that's changed is the amount of tears
Because I have lost the ability to feel anything, anymore!
I'll tell you about some bluer skies
And about how none of them are mine
And when I wake up feeling worthless
Like giving efforts is pointless knowing that I'll never be happy
No matter what I do, but you know it is true that I'm still going to try
Somewhere over the rainbow
Way up high
And the dreams that I dreamed of
Are now a lullaby
To help me get to sleep at night
Because the anxiety I have never seems to help at any given time
So if these blue birds can fly
Then why? Oh why? Can't I?
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You hate the way I talk to you because every sentence ends in "I love you" you hate the way that I stare at you because I could do it all night long
She hates the way I talk about you her every statement screams that it's not true she hates the way that I lose my mind and how I cry about you all the time
I hate that I can never set my mind straight and I hate those thoughts that make me stay up late and I am thinking that there's going to be a day that I wake up realizing that living life means not living life this way
I hate the way I talk to you because every sentence ends in "I love you" I hate the way that I stare at you because I could do it all night long and I hate the way that I feel lied to every time you say "I love you too"
I hate that I can never sent my mind straight and I fucking hate those thoughts that make me stay up late I'm hating that there's never going to be a day that I wake up realizing that living life means not living life this way
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I'm here again, I'm lost my friend
I'm on and off and all of my care is spent
These years are gone, it's been prolonged
The stress has been eating my soul away
I cannot breathe, this nicotine, it tastes so sweet but I know it's killing me
Some times I dream and make believe that I'll see something inside myself others see but I never feel
I'm falling now, I don't know how
To get back up I'll lay here on the ground
I want to sleep my life away, but to my friends is what I'll never say
They don't always know that I'm fading away
I feel it now like a bullet in my brain
Life feels stressful and I want to run away
I've been here before, but now the score
Is stacked against me and now it feels like war
Please leave me, I do not need a friend to listen I found all I need is sleep
I'm sorry but solitude would be a relief
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HEARTBREAK//HOSTILITY is a split with another Phoenix, AZ musician, Diego Galvan.